


just a crush

by asennnaa



Series: Voltron Plance Bingo 2018 [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heartbreak, Or Is It?, Running Away, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 10:44:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16533047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asennnaa/pseuds/asennnaa
Summary: Sometimes falling in love isn’t sweet, sometimes it brings nothing but pain and tears. Pidge learns this the hard way and decides to leave so she doesn’t have to watch Lance pine for someone else...





	just a crush

**Author's Note:**

> my first prompt fill for Voltron Bingo! enjoy! This is the first of two parts but this first part fits one prompt and the next part will fill another. I love plangst way too much for my own good.

It was just supposed to be a stupid crush. You know? The ones you had in middle and high school that you got over quickly? Pidge had fully expected it to be one of those. And until about 5 minutes ago, that’s all she had allowed herself to think it was. 

She hugged her knees to her chest and buried her face in them. It was so silly to cry over this. At the same time, however, it was so much easier to crack levels and levels of an advanced alien security system than dealing with her own feelings. This was completely foreign and she didn’t understand how she was supposed to deal with this. Lance didn’t love her, he probably never would. Even if she didn’t love him back, Allura was the one Lance wanted. 

Now knowing her heart, or at least that part of it, it was hard. Okay, that was an understatement. She thought about Lance and having to watch him be in love with someone else and it hurt. It hurt so bad. 

She wanted him to be happy, even if it wasn’t with her. But she knew she couldn’t stay and watch it continue. She felt sick just thinking about having to see him tomorrow and watch him stare longingly at Allura. 

No, her mind was made up. The universe really didn’t need Voltron now and there was no reason for them to stay in such close proximity. 

She grabbed the nearest bag and started throwing all necessities in. The faster she could leave, the better for her state of mind…

* * *

 

Hunk knew her better than anyone else. So when she told him, he understood right away. It didn’t make him any less sad, but a hug and promises to see each other one day gave him a little comfort. 

It didn’t feel right not telling Keith either. They had become closer over the past couple of months. They weren’t best friends, but he had been her leader as well as her friend. If the universe needed Voltron again, he would need to know this. 

As she predicted, he wasn’t happy. 

“You’re leaving? Now? But  _ why _ ?” his brows came together in confusion. 

“I just…” she paused. “I just have to. I feel suffocated here.” 

Well, it wasn’t a complete lie even if it wasn’t the complete truth. 

“You were fine this morning,” he pointed out, crossing his arms. “There’s something else, you’re looking everywhere else but at me.” 

Damn it, why did he have to be so observant? No, she was not having this conversation with Keith. 

“I just...there are things...okay?” she stammered. Keith wasn’t satisfied with that answer. 

“Look, I’m really not good at this stuff, Pidge. But you  _ can  _ talk to me, you know that right? If you’re having trouble, it’s my job both as your leader and friend to help you. What’s bothering you?” 

She wanted to bolt, leave as fast as she could. But she’d never outrun Keith, he was too fast and he wouldn’t stop until he got the answers out of her. He was a little more forceful than Shiro in that way. 

“It’s...someone...on the team…” she said, slowly. She practically had to choke the words out and she flinched. 

Keith was awkward in the ways of social interaction but he wasn’t stupid. It took him all of 2 seconds to figure it out. 

“Is it Lance?” he asked and her silence was his answer. “I’ll talk to him and we’ll sort this out-” 

She cut him off by furiously shaking her head, “Oh god no! Please don’t tell him anything Keith, please don’t!” 

Her tears flowing down her cheeks surprised them both. 

“I-It’s nothing he’s done. I just...can’t stay here where I have to see him every day,” the last part came out in a bit of a near inaudible whisper. 

She almost crumbled when she saw Keith’s expression change to that of understanding. She had counted on him not understanding and this somehow made it worse. 

He stepped forward and her eyes widened when she felt his arms wrap around her. 

“It’s okay Pidge. I get it...trust me, I do…” 

No, that really didn’t make it better, thought it did confirm something she suspected about Keith for a long time. It was nice to be embraced as she cried but her decision was made.

* * *

 

It was better to leave under the guise of night. Everyone was asleep, security was minimal. She didn’t have to bother with goodbyes, as she had told Keith when he’d requested that she at least stay long enough to stay until morning. This was already difficult as it was. 

She wouldn’t be taking Green with her. She counted on them finding a new green paladin. She didn’t want to come back unless she needed to. Until she was over it, but maybe she’d find her true purpose out there. 

Maybe. 

She threw her possessions into the passenger seat and was about to climb into the pilot seat. 

“Pidge?” a soft voice said, cutting through the silence of the night. She almost fell over but was able to grab the side of the cruiser to regain balance. From the corner of her eye, she could see Allura standing just below, concern and something else painting her expression. 

She didn’t want to feel the bitterness that filled her. It wasn’t Allura’s fault. None of this was, but she couldn’t help it. 

“You should be sleeping,” she said in a flat tone. 

“So should you…” she responded, making Pidge huff. A moment of silence elapsed before Allura spoke once more, “I overheard your conversation with Keith earlier…” 

Pidge groaned. Perfect, just perfect. This is exactly what she needed right now. She had never wanted to disappear as much as she did in that moment. 

“I’ve made up my mind, Allura. I can’t be here. I just...can’t…” she swallowed the lump in her throat. She wasn’t going to cry. Not again. She was tired. 

She jumped into the cockpit and flinched when she saw the look of pure sadness on Allura’s face. 

“Pidge, Lance and I aren’t…” she started saying but Pidge didn’t want to hear it. Anything to do with Lance and her, she wasn’t ready to hear it. No matter what it was. 

“It is what it is, Allura. He loves you. It doesn’t matter if you are or you aren’t. He loves you,” she whispered, turning her head. 

“We haven’t talked much or spent a lot of time together, but...I want you to know that I’ve always seen you as a younger sister and I would never…” 

“It’s not you, Allura. Stop. You don’t owe me anything,” she turned to her to give her the smallest smile but Allura didn’t return it. 

“I can’t do anything to make you stay?” she asked, a sort of pleading in her voice. 

Pidge shook her head, “I need time. I need space. I need to find myself.” 

Allura opened her mouth but immediately closed it. She did walk forward, climbed the steps, and grabbed Pidge’s hand. There was the smallest of smiles she had ever seen on the princess. 

“Promise me you’ll return to us one day?” it was less of an order and more of a request. Pidge felt a terrible hollow feeling in her gut. She couldn’t promise that. She could promise to try. That’s all she could do. 

“I’ll try, I promise.”  

She didn’t look back to see Allura’s face. And as she rose off into the sky, the hollow pain in her chest made it near difficult to breathe…

* * *

 

Allura had told them at breakfast that Pidge was gone. That she had flown off into the night, not answering when or if she’d even be back. 

Keith and Hunk looked somber but not surprised. Allura looked pained and guilty.

But no one felt worse than Lance. She seemed fine yesterday. Now she was gone and everyone else seemed to be in the loop, except him. He felt a little betrayed by the team but most of all, Pidge. Why didn’t she say anything? Why was she gone? He was angry at himself most of all for not stopping her. He knew he could have. He  _ would _ have. 

And most of all, her absence left him with an uncomfortable ache in his chest and stomach. And he found himself walking the familiar halls before he ended up in her room. 

It didn’t even look like her room. It was too bare. There weren’t clothes, paper, or cords scattered all across the floor. Some of her possessions remained. She had taken her one laptop but left the other, newer one. The video games and consoles remained, but what was the fun of playing them if she wasn’t here to play them with him? 

He walked over to her desk, the hood of the laptop wasn’t entirely down. And it was still on. He was against invading her privacy but she kept her life in that laptop. And he needed answers. He needed them now. He wasn’t sure why he was so desperate. He didn’t bother to think about it, all he knew was that he needed to know.

Most of all, he needed to know, so that he could bring her home. 

The laptop was completely cleared. Pidge had completely wiped it clean. Lance thought he would cry as he searched through the contents of the laptop but it seemed futile. 

“Come on, Pidge, come on you had to have left something. Don’t leave me hanging like this…” he said to himself through gritted teeth. 

There was nothing, nothing at all.

Then something small caught his eye. A flashdrive just a few inches away on the desk. It literally could be anything but Lance didn’t care. It could be her talking about tech and all the complicated explanations with it but he didn’t care. He needed to hear her voice. 

His heart inflated a hundred times when he saw that it was indeed a video of her. Even better, it wasn’t a how-to video or her talking about tech. 

_ ‘Uh so I was told one of these would be helpful for whatever reason so here I am I guess?’  _

Lance found himself smiling fondly. She was so awkward about stuff like this. 

_ ‘So my name is Katie Holt, but everyone just calls me Pidge. I’m the paladin of the green lion and I love anything to do with space and tech…’  _

She wasn’t looking at the camera and she was scratching the back of her head, not really knowing what else to add. 

_ ‘I guess I can talk about my friends and Team Voltron. Honestly, they’re great and the best friends anyone could ask for. I guess I could start with Hunk since he was sort of the first friend I made at the Garrison....’  _

The video went on. She talked about Hunk and their history. About their secret language and their times together. She went onto Shiro, then Keith. Allura and Coran came afterwards. Lance’s face fell because the video was nearly at 15 minutes and she had not mentioned his name even once. 

_ ‘Then there’s Lance. There’s really so much I could say about Lance but so little at the same time…’  _

Lance wondered if he should be offended by that. 

_ ‘I didn’t get close to him like I did with Hunk, mainly because at first, it didn’t seem like there was anything I had in common with him. We were a team at the Garrison and it was weird, but he always had my back when I spoke out and took the heat for it. I never got why he did, but I never told him how much I really appreciated that…’  _

He felt himself smiling at that. There was something about that, it just warmed his insides… 

_ ‘And slowly, we just became friends. I could be myself around him and he never judged me for it. Even after he found out I was a girl, he didn’t really treat me any differently. If I wanted to do something, he’d do it with me. Did I mention the time that we bought a video game and ended up becoming the parents of a cow as a result?’  _

That made him laugh just a bit. 

_ ‘And slowly…’  _ she was blushing now and Lance couldn’t understand why.  _ ‘And slowly something started to change. I didn’t really get it at first but when it did, it kind of sucked. He looks at every girl that isn’t me. And then there’s Allura. She was definitely different. She was always on his mind and no matter how many girls he flirted with, he always just came back to her. I just told myself it was just a crush. Just a crush…’  _

She trailed off but Lance almost didn’t hear the rest of it because his eyes practically bulged out of his head at the confession. Pidge...had a crush...on him? Pidge of all people? Her eyes and face were changing. They widened and she looked anguished practically. 

There were tears in her eyes now and he felt his stomach drop lower than it had ever.

_ ‘But it’s not. It’s not anymore. Instead of going away it just grew and it sucks because he’ll never feel the same way. I don’t need him to and I don’t think I could ever tell him either…’  _

She wiped her tears. 

_ ‘Who’d’ve thought I’d fall in love with Lance of all people? I certainly didn’t. I don’t need him to love me back and I just want him to be happy...that’s all…’  _

Lance felt his heart completely shatter at how vulnerable and heartbroken she sounded. It slowly dawned on him. Why no one had told him anything. Why Allura looked so guilty when she had told them. 

_ ‘Anyway...I’m going to destroy this...this was such a stupid idea…’  _

The video cut off then and Lance could feel a lone tear slide down his cheek. She had left because of him. Because she couldn’t handle it now that she knew. 

She was gone because of him. 

He slouched in the chair and tried to get a grip. She was in love with him and he had made her watch him pining after someone else. He wanted to kick himself for going to her all of the time about his feelings for Allura. 

He felt like such an asshole. 

And if she left because of him, he was the only one that could convince her to come back. 

And he would. He  _ would  _ bring her back. And he would make it up to her. 

It was that decision that made him bolt from the room, towards the hangar. He practically crashed into Keith on his way. 

Keith arched a brow, “And where are you going?” 

Lance seemed irritated by the question, “No time to talk!” 

He darted but not before yelling, “I’m going to find her and I’m not coming back till I do!” 

He didn’t bother to hear what Keith was saying. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered to him except her. Nothing at all. 

She hadn’t taken green with her, making it that much harder to find her. His heart sank at the idea of her possibly not wanting to be found. He shook the thought off. 

He sat in the cockpit and before taking off, he made a vow. 

“I’m bringing you back, Pidge. I promise…” 


End file.
